ESTJ Relationships Guide – Matches, Compatibilities & Love

Table of Contents
ESTJ Relationships Guide - Matches, Compatibilities & Love

An ESTJ is commonly known as ‘The Executive’ or ‘The Commander’ and is one of the sixteen personality types based on the Myers-Briggs® personality assessment. An ESTJ is someone who possesses Extraverted, Sensing, Thinking and Judging.

Individuals with ESTJ personality type can be differentiated into ESTJ-T (T = Turbulent) or ESTJ-A (A = Assertive).

ESTJ is someone who enjoys spending time with others (Extraverted), pays more attention to the physical reality based on facts and figures rather than concepts and beliefs (Sensing), prefers making non-emotional decisions rationally and logically (Thinking), and likes being organized and plan things ahead of time rather than going according to the flow (Judging).

In this article, you will understand how ESTJs fall in love, their strengths and weaknesses in a relationship, compatibility with other personality types, how they show love as a lover, parent and friend, and how they deal with breakups.

ESTJs Compatibilities and Best Matches for a Romantic Relationship

As you may already know, there are certain jobs that ESTJs are compatible with; the same goes for ESTJs when looking for the best match in a romantic relationship.

There are certain personality types that are compatible and can click with ESTJ personality types.

The best matches for a romantic relationship with an ESTJ are:

  • ISTJ: ISTJ and ESTJ individuals share almost similar traits. Both personality types enjoy connecting at a deeper level.

They can build rapport quickly through the discovery of shared common preferences in their life experiences.

They make a fantastic match because they value honesty and loyalty in a relationship and are dependable partners.

Both ESTJ and ISTJ enjoy living an orderly and organized life while upholding the traditions and values they stand for.

ISTJ and ESTJ compatibility can also be seen from their interaction with others.

While ISTJ prefers spending time alone and does not speak up much during social gatherings, ESTJ can make up for their partner as they find pleasure in talking and expressing themselves.

  • ISTP: Individuals with ISTP personality traits are spontaneous, prefer living in the moment and approach things pragmatically based on facts and logic.

These characteristics may be compatible with ESTJ individuals because both these personality types value loyalty, responsibility and adopt a practical approach to making decisions.

When in a romantic relationship, both the personality types are clear about who they are and can build trust easily as both value honesty and truthfulness.

Like the ISTJ and ESTJ combination, ESTJs’ extroverted trait complements ISTJs’ naturally introverted personality.

  • ISFP: Those with ISFP traits enjoy working in a structured environment, upholding their traditions, are responsible and committed to seeing things through till the end.

Their differences from ESTJs individuals are that they prefer a more laid-back lifestyle, sensitive to negative feedback and take things more personally.

They may be a potential good match. Both personalities prefer living in the present and share a common interest in stimulating activities such as art and crafts, dancing or playing jigsaw puzzles to strengthen their relationship.

  • ENTJ: For ESTJs looking for romantic partners to add a different dimension to their lives, they may consider partners with an ENTJ personality type.

Both these personality types enjoy talking, the company of their friends and family members, and participating in social events, get-together or parties.

ESTJs are traditionalists and tend to view things from a logical and factual perspective, whereas ENTJs live and breathe creativity and innovation.

They are excited about the future and enjoy breaking conventional rules to make things better and faster.

This contradiction may be a good thing where ESTJ can offer their ENTJ partner a reality check on their innovative ideas, while ENTJ can help ESTJ cope with uncertainty and change with their confidence and excitement.

Are you an ESTJ

Take the free personality test to identify your true personality type. 16 Personality Types test reveals who you naturally are and why you do things the way you do. With this knowledge of yourself, you can build successful careers, find a dream job, build strong relationships, and live an authentic life.


How Do ESTJs Look at Dating and Falling in Love

ESTJs are energetic and opinionated individuals who can make a wonderful partner to individuals who prefer a pragmatic approach to romantic relationships.

They are extremely loyal and dependable when they are in love with someone. ESTJs value family traditions and routine and prefer to have a stable and secure romantic relationship.

In a relationship, they are inclined to live a structured and well-organized life with their partner.

When ESTJs are truly committed to a relationship, they will give their best to make the relationship last and flourish. They take their role in a relationship seriously and are determined to fulfil their responsibilities.

Whether you are dating or married to ESTJs, they are good at protecting and keeping their partner safe and secure. They consider this their responsibility or duty to protect and shield their loved ones from any potential harm or danger.

ESTJs find pleasure in connecting deeply with their partner. They will express their love by doing something such as buying a present, bringing their loved one on a date, celebrating important anniversaries, etc.

ESTJs value partners who will acknowledge and appreciate their effort and responsibility to make tangible contributions to their romantic relationship.

Like the way they work, ESTJs also set clear expectations and goals to achieve in their romantic relationships.

They are constantly looking for ways to grow and develop in their romantic relationships and expect the same from their partner.

When they are happy and involved in a fulfilling relationship, they give approvals and affirmations freely to their partner.

These expressions can be accepted at face value because ESTJs are very honest and direct with their feelings.

While ESTJs are dependable in a relationship, they also want to be in a relationship with a partner who they can rely on and live the ideal life they wish for.

Are you an ESTJ

Take the free personality test to identify your true personality type. 16 Personality Types test reveals who you naturally are and why you do things the way you do. With this knowledge of yourself, you can build successful careers, find a dream job, build strong relationships, and live an authentic life.


ESTJ Personality Type – Core Strengths in a Relationship

Dedicated and responsible: When they set their eyes on someone they like, ESTJs will pursue them relentlessly. ESTJ individuals are extremely dedicated and responsible.

They tend to create a clear structure for themselves when in a relationship and keep themselves responsible for fulfilling their duties and obligations in a relationship.

They put effort into taking care of what is required to be done around the house to ensure everything is running smoothly and everyone is happy.

Loyal and faithful: ESTJs are loyal and faithful to their partner. They will keep their promises and stick to their partners till the end through good times and bad times.

You can always rely on them to be enthusiastically supportive when things get tough.

Good at conflict resolution: ESTJs are direct and willing to address any conflicts or issues that arise when in a relationship rather than avoiding or ignoring them.

Not threatened by conflicts: They will not feel threatened by conflicts or criticisms; instead, enjoy dealing with them head-on.

To ESTJs, they are not willing to let conflicts affect their relationship with others.

Hence, they would place more effort to work things out and not affect their relationship negatively.

Committed: ESTJs are interested in engaging in a serious and long-term relationship with someone when dating. ESTJ lovers tend to have long-term plans on what they want out of their relationship.

They will make decisions that are beneficial not for themselves but their relationship.

Dependable and stable: When in a relationship, ESTJs feel it is their responsibility to provide security and safety for their partners.

ESTJs will stand up and protect their partner when things go wrong. Another thing that makes them dependable is that ESTJs value trust because they understand that a deep and strong relationship is built on trust.

They hold themselves accountable for what they said and promised.

They also have a clear understanding of their needs in a relationship and will communicate their needs to their partner to ensure there will not be any misunderstandings.

Are you an ESTJ

Take the free personality test to identify your true personality type. 16 Personality Types test reveals who you naturally are and why you do things the way you do. With this knowledge of yourself, you can build successful careers, find a dream job, build strong relationships, and live an authentic life.


ESTJ Weaknesses in a Relationship and the Implications Upon Them

Stubborn: While ESTJs may be clear about what they need and want in a relationship, they may create an impression to others where they are overly obsessed and stubborn.

They prefer to make their own judgement rather than taking the chance to trust others’ advice. As they are opinionated, ESTJs tend to believe they are always right in most situations and seldom listen to other’s opinions.

Impatient and critical: ESTJs are prone to be impatient when things are not working out as they expected.

Their judgemental and critical behaviours become more apparent when they are dealing with sloppiness and inefficiency from others.

Status-conscious: ESTJs tend to tolerate actions that they do not see eye to eye with and place less importance on their needs when they focus on living up to other people’s expectations.

They want other people to view them from a positive and best possible lens.

Authoritative: When in a relationship, ESTJs can be domineering and want to be in charge of things for the people around them.

These authoritative behaviours tend to come naturally to them, and they may not be consciously aware of them.

Sometimes, this may lead others to feel that they are a controlling person.

Low emotional intelligence: As ESTJs are rational and logical individuals, they may not be aware of their emotions and find it difficult to express their emotions and feelings to others.

They may also not be emotionally attuned and are insensitive to other people’s needs. They tend to be blunt with their words and may unintentionally hurt others with their words or actions.

Change averse: ESTJs are individuals who tend to prefer living in their comfort zone, a consistent and organized life. They can get uncomfortable and stressed when required to be in a completely new situation.

A typical ESTJ prefers sticking to traditional and conventional ways of doing things that they know will work rather than taking the risk to try new ways of doing things that could be more effective or better.

Are you an ESTJ

Take the free personality test to identify your true personality type. 16 Personality Types test reveals who you naturally are and why you do things the way you do. With this knowledge of yourself, you can build successful careers, find a dream job, build strong relationships, and live an authentic life.


ESTJ as a Parent – Parental Relationship with Their Children

Parents with ESTJ personality type take pride in their role and responsibility as a parent to their children.

They embrace the responsibilities that come with being a parent and are committed to raising their children to become hardworking, down-to-earth and responsible adults.

As traditionalists, birthday anniversaries, holidays, and cultural occasions are important to ESTJs. They use these opportunities to connect with their children and expose them to the traditions and culture of their family.

ESTJ personalities tend to have a clear boundary, where parents should fulfil their role as parents and children should be children. They treat their children with respect and honour and expect their children to do the same too.

ESTJs are likely to set clear rules and responsibilities for their household and expect everyone in the family to uphold the rules. As parents, ESTJs raise their children with love and care and expect their children to make their own decisions.

Whether the decisions are good or bad, the children are encouraged to face the consequences and learn from their mistakes.

ESTJs are practical and observant of the rules, and this might become an issue or cause rifts in the family if their children have Intuitive or Perceiving preferences.

These children tend to be creative and prefer unconventional ways of doing things that go against the standards and principles of their ESTJ parents.

To overcome this, ESTJ parents should keep in mind that what they think is correct may not be necessarily correct to their children.

Children of ESTJ will remember their parents as authoritarian, traditional, honourable, responsible and willing to sacrifice anything for their children.

ESTJ as a Lover in a Sexual Relationship

ESTJs are pragmatic, active and responsible lovers. ESTJs are very likely to pursue a romantic relationship rather than a casual relationship because of their need for stability and security in their life.

Once they commit, it is lifelong and unchangeable. ESTJ lovers will give their best effort and time to fulfil their responsibility and role in the relationship to ensure the relationship will last and be successful.

At the beginning of a romantic relationship, ESTJs will explore their partner’s identity and see how their characters and goals are aligned. This practical approach is extremely important to ESTJs.

They are not interested in committing their effort and time to a relationship that may fall apart in the future due to clashing values and mismatched personalities.

While they can be very energetic in fulfilling their duties and obligations, ESTJ lovers prefer a routinized lifestyle. They enjoy spending time socializing with others and expect their partners to join them.

By nature, ESTJs enjoy protecting their loved ones and view it as one of their main responsibilities.

While ESTJ partners are likely to feel safe and protected, they may not appreciate the authoritarian aspect of ESTJs, where ESTJs often want things to follow their way and dictate others’ schedules.

When it comes to sexual intimacy, ESTJs are likely to pre-plan their romantic encounters with their partners.

Instead of viewing these romantic encounters as occasions to exhibit and accept love and affection, ESTJs view these encounters as a physical experience of intimacy.

Their partners will be more appreciative if ESTJ knows how to express their emotion verbally when they are engaged in sensual activities.

ESTJs in Friendships, What They Value, and How They Make Friends

ESTJs are outgoing and enjoy spending quality time with others, especially like-minded individuals.

They are likely to seek and build friendships quickly with other people who share similar values or interests with them.

As Commander personalities are naturally headstrong, they may find it difficult to find common ground and become friends with individuals with conflicting values or principles.

Coming across as opinionated and authoritative at times, ESTJs may cause them to offend their friends unintentionally with their words or actions.

Friends of ESTJs will never get bored when this personality type is around them.

ESTJs tend to assume the responsibility to ensure their friends are having a good time and always organize different social activities and events, from weekend camping trips, road-tripping to dinner parties and movie nights.

ESTJs are typically status-conscious, meaning that they tend to admire and hold others who they feel have achieved a certain level of success in their life with high regard.

When they are in the same room with these individuals, ESTJs are less likely to display their domineering and controlling personalities.

ESTJs’ friends are likely to appreciate ESTJ’s loyalty, reliability and enthusiasm. They know that ESTJs will always have their back when things are bad and never do things that may cause hurt or betrayal.

ESTJ and Breakups

Not every romantic relationship leads to a happy ending. When a breakup happens, ESTJs are usually not the ones bringing it up.

They find it difficult to end a relationship with someone because they take their relationship very seriously and fully commit to making the relationship successful.

When the unavoidable happens, ESTJ lovers will do whatever it takes and exhaust all the possibilities to try and salvage the relationship.

They tend to blame themselves and have a hard time moving on from the relationship. Once they come to terms with reality, ESTJs are likely to move on from this quickly by concentrating on their future.

If the breakup they experienced is caused by betrayal and cheating, these may scar ESTJ for a long time and hurt their ego. They may feel insecure about having another romantic relationship in the future.

To overcome this, ESTJs may want to seek help from their close friends or therapist to talk about their feelings and what happened.

ESTJ Relationships FAQ

Who Should an ESTJ marry?

ESTJs should marry someone that likes adventure and respects them. They want partners that are more easy-going and laid back. When the partner also respects their values, the ESTJ can seriously consider them to be more than a friend.

For example, a potential partner for the ESTJ could be the ISTP. They are laid back and enjoy the excitement of love and romance.

What do ESTJs want in a partner?

ESTJs want an exciting relationship, but that is also structured and orderly. Tradition, and especially traditional values, are very important to this personality type.

This is why ESTJs tend to seek out more conservative patterns. They enjoy individuals who work low-stress jobs to calm them in their time off of work. Having fun is needed by ESTJs since they feel like they cannot manufacture excitement well on their own.

How do ESTJs show affection?

ESTJs are committed and loyal individuals. They will likely not show much love until you are in a serious relationship with them. Once you are married, you can expect an ESTJ to give you kisses, but mostly in private.

They will likely bring their spouse gifts, too, such as flowers or candy. Celebrations are an important part of romance to this personality type, too.

What makes ESTJs happy?

Standing by tradition makes the ESTJ happy and satisfied. Achieving their goals also gives them pleasure. When the ESTJ raises their family to be traditional and moral, they feel an immense amount of pride in this achievement.

At work, their happiness comes from effectively delegating tasks and pushing beyond their perceived limits.

Who are ESTJs most compatible with?

Since ESTJs work very hard during the day, they want a partner who can calm them and bring fun into their schedule. They enjoy someone who makes them laugh and is spontaneous.

After all, coming home already stressed only to get more stressed is not the ideal relationship. As such, ISTPs and especially ISFPs can make great partners.

What do ESTJs want in a relationship?

ESTJs want someone who is spontaneous and brings fun into their life. They do not want a partner who will push them to the point of burnout.

Someone who is spontaneous and relaxed can positively impact the ESTJ’s romantic life. However, that partner should also respect the work ethic of the ESTJ. They should have similar traditional values, too.

A Quick Overview of ESTJ Relationships & Compatibilities

ESTJs are full of energy. They enjoy spending quality time and are keen to maintain a stable and secure relationship with their loved ones.

They are quite good at planning and dedicated to self-improvement to ensure that they always give their best effort and attention to others.

ESTJs are known for being very reliable and are very likely to approach anything in their lives from a logical and rational perspective.

ESTJs can make an ideal and successful relationship with personality types that desire these kinds of traits.

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