INFJ Relationships, Dating & Compatibility with Others
To dive deeper into INFJ relationships, we need to know a little bit about the INFJ personality type. INFJ is the rarest type of the 16 Myers-Briggs personalities. INFJs are caring introverts, people with an idealistic view on the world who act when needed and do what they consider essential. The acronym INFJ stands for the four cognitive functions – introverted, intuitive, feeling, and judging.
These functions define the way they observe and interact in relationships and with the world. In case you’d like to view all personality types, click here.
INFJs are humanists by nature, and their prime motivation is to help anyone in need and help society in general. No matter how idealistic this might sound, these are the people who act upon their intentions.
INFJs appear warm and friendly on the surface, but their introverted nature hardly reveals what is going on in their mind. And there’s a lot of thinking there, indeed!
INFJs are people who intuitively comprehend the world and often see through what they are presented. For INFJs, actions speak louder than words, and the body language reveals what’s not said.
Nicknamed Counselors or Advocates, INFJs are incredibly insightful individuals with an increased need for personal integrity who rarely express their feelings and thoughts.
With just a small group of loyal friends, and a quest to find true love, INFJs would gladly hang out with their how-to-save-the-world thoughts than spending their time at group gatherings.
How Do INFJs Look at Dating and Falling in Love?
INFJs are anything but ordinary, and this refers to their love life too. While they dream of having a meaningful relationship that will fulfill their deeply hidden needs of ultimate body-mind-soul connection, their realities are paradoxically different.
To start with, INFJs are moralists with a high set of standards and values anchored within the core of their personality.
Since these principles guide every area of their lives, finding the best match for INFJ is like finding a needle in a haystack. So, what attracts them? What is it that they so desperately look for in other people?
First and utmost, INFJs have a dominant introverted intuitive function, which largely blocks their attempt to approach someone, even if their intuition tells them that the person might meet their strict criteria.
They would rather silently observe the person and try to get ‘clues’ of who she/he is, way before the communication starts. Since they feel incredibly uncomfortable talking to people they don’t know or taking part in casual talks; they might pretend to be busy while looking for ‘signs’ that might signal a positive outcome.
INFJs and Dating
When the connection finally occurs, the partner of their choice must be someone who is at least at some point similar to their cravings to experience things deeply and mindfully.
However, INFJs dating looks like Indiana Jones in the unknown areas of an abandoned cave full of dangers lurking around. They are equally careful not to step on a minefield (aka other person’s emotions) unless they are entirely sure they won’t hurt them.
Yes, INFJs are empaths who put other people first!
During the dating phase, INFJs will try to learn as much as possible about the other person. This often goes beyond the presented information as they will try to find meaning in what’s not said and see if the person is equally interested in the relationship as they are.
Oftentimes they’ll confuse the dating partner with the famous INFJ stare. This phenomenon usually happens when they are deeply involved in contemplating something or analyzing the person in such a way that might even freak their partner out.
INFJs in Love
When it comes to INFJs emotions, there’s one more paradox that stands out. While they are excellent at recognizing and dealing with other people’s feelings, handling their own feelings is on the opposite end.
In many surveys and questionnaires, INFJs say that tackling their emotional issues feels as if they were separated from them and taken somewhere far away.
They don’t open up easily and leave the impression of being mysterious and inquiring. INFJs need lots of time and effort to get in-tune with their emotions and know exactly how they feel.
But once they do, i.e., when they genuinely fall in love, they are not shy to share their feelings. What they are mostly attracted to is authenticity, honesty, and open communication. Since they intuitively scan the person, they can quickly notice foul play or dishonesty.
As they progress in the relationship, they want their partner to share their personal growth desire, values, and need for personal space.
But for an INFJ to ultimately reach a honeymoon stage with their partner, they need deep emotional intimacy and an attentive partner who will be the one who listens to them.
INFJ Strengths in a Relationship
Understanding INFJ’s strengths and weaknesses can help them and their partners understand each other better and tackle issues much more efficiently.
INFJs take their relationships very seriously and dedicate much of their time to creating an exciting and affection-filled relationship.
INFJs are dedicated partners who strive to inspire their partners to reach their potentials.
- Excellent listeners
One of the Advocates’ most outstanding personality traits is their ability to grasp every word the other person says and act when needed.
- Good communicators
Not only are they attentive when their partner is speaking, but they are excellent at their verbal skills.
If an INFJ’s partner is troubled over something, their INFJs soulmate will always offer a shoulder to cry on.
- Able to face reality
Even though INFJs live for the future and often have big visions, facing the facts is not a big problem. This refers to relationship breakups as well.
INFJS Weaknesses in a Relationship
Their partners usually have a hard time getting to know their INFJ partner’s real character as they tend to keep things for themselves only.
- Financially disorganized
INFJs are terrible at managing finances and planning their daily budget.
- Conflict avoiders
INFJs are peacekeepers, and they tend to avoid confrontations, which in relationships can lead to misunderstanding and piling up issues.
- Not accepting criticism
While it is true that they are conflict avoiders, INFJs have almost zero patience if their values and principles are questioned and criticized. It is only then that the notorious INFJ door slam occurs.
- Hard to change
Whoever tries to change an INFJ will probably face a solid rock that shows enormous resistance. The only change that will happen will likely be their communication.
INFJs Best Match for a Romantic Relationship
Choosing the best match for INFJ is generally a long-lasting process filled with many ups and downs. People consider them to be exceptionally picky, but that’s just because they never get involved in superfluous, shallow relationships.
What suits them most are personalities that share the same life values, principles, and expectations. Such are usually intuitive personality types who tend to be future-oriented, planners, and who make deep connections.
The extroverted feeling function is the one that makes INFJs such caring individuals who base their decisions on what they feel rather than what they see or hear. Similar personalities will often encourage each other without questioning the decisions.
However, these personalities (Ni and Fe) are not very into housekeeping and doing daily chores, so it might be challenging to arrange who’s going to take charge of doing them.
The relationship might become monotonous if the same activities occupy their attention while missing out on other valuable experiences.
Considering INFJ from the Mayers-Briggs list of personalities perspective, the generally accepted ideal match is the ENTP personality.
In addition, ENFP is also a great match as it can inspire and stimulate INFJs, while ENFJ can support the humanist function of INFJs’.
Compatibility with Other Personality Types
Similar personalities offer the greatest perspectives of enjoying harmonious life if that’s what INFJs are after. However, opposites attract, so other MBTI personality types can also match with INFJs.
Take, for example, a person with a dominant extroverted function. Extroverts will surely get them out to the world and allow them to experience it in a much different way.
Dominant thinkers will introduce a sense where feelings take over and help them better deal with factual situations.
If an INFJ matches a person who sees things more practically, they can put together big ideas with practical solutions. Plus, such a combination can resolve issues related to daily chores, budget management, and necessary day-to-day practices.
Opposite personalities are likely to expose an INFJ to life experiences that will broaden their horizons and entice personal growth which is on the top on the INFJ preferences list.
But opposites can soon generate conflict, so an INFJ should think carefully if they’d like to be challenged with contrasting personalities or sail smoothly with someone similar to them.
INFJ as a Parent
INFJs are parents who raise their children to become caring people, independent, and with high moral values.
Learning and intellectual growth for them is a never-ending process, so they tend to direct their children to strive for the best they can get, provided it is morally right. The high standards they set make them demanding and pushy at times.
INFJs are devoted parents who shower their children with love and affection. They consider them equal to adult family members and allow them to decide on things and speak their minds. They are always there for their children and often sacrifice their wellbeing to provide the maximum for them.
INFJs as Lovers
When INFJs love, then it is with their mind, body, and soul, and that’s the only way to achieve the ultimate connection with their partner.
They are never afraid to express their love to their partner and expect the same in return. INFJs often impress their partners with creative talents and melt their hearts with their astonishing verbal abilities.
Sex and intimacy are beyond corporal experience as they see it on a more spiritual level. Since they are empaths, they try to please their partners in every possible way.
They try hard to maintain harmony in the relationship and tend to avoid conflicts by all means.
INFJ as a Friend
The circle of very close INFJ friends is relatively limited and closed. Introverts as they are, INFJs don’t enjoy large social gatherings, and there are just a few friends who they share their intimate thoughts with.
Those who share their friendship with INFJs are people from similar standpoints, background settings, and similar moral values.
INFJs appreciate when their friends acknowledge their need for solitude without grudging, and when they respect them for who they are.
INFJs never tolerate dishonesty, manipulations, and corruption, so in case they sense something like that, they withdraw and avoid the person.
INFJs are inspired by meaningful conversations and despise small talk. They don’t like taking part in confrontations either, or in case their moral values are criticized, they cut ties with the person for good.
INFJ and Breakups
Breakups are hard for INFJs, painful, and slow. When they decide to put an end, it usually has to do with dishonesty, lack of trust or intimacy, or infidelity.
When INFJs end a relationship, they experience emotional turmoil, which is not evident from the outside.
The biggest struggle they have is letting the person go, particularly if the attachment to the person was strong. The initial response to the breakup in many cases would be putting aside their feelings since they don’t want to prioritize their personal issues.
If they continue to ignore them in the long run, stress and anxiety are likely to settle in. INFJs are advised to face the situation, go through it, and spend time with people they love and trust.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do INFJs Recover from Breakups?
The best way to cope with the breakup is to comprehend the situation and face reality. Going through emotional pain and leaving the comfort zone isn’t easy, but it is the process of healing.
Spending time alone without external distraction is the first step to getting in line with their feelings, but, on the other hand, being alone for too long can lead to melancholy and depression.
Spending quality time with the people they love can help them filter their emotions and get emotional support. INFJs can benefit if they take up a new hobby or dedicate themselves to their creative talents.
How Do INFJs Show Love?
When INFJs love someone, they express the love they feel in the most affectionate way. The process doesn’t happen out of a sudden, though. It takes time, deep connection, and assurance that they feel for the person.
INFJs put the person they love in the center of their life, and usually care about him/her more than they care about themselves.
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