INTJ (Architects) Relationships Handbook – Compatibilities and Best Matches, Dating & Love
The famous Myers-Briggs test (MBTI) identifies 16 personality types based on how individuals see and interact with the world, make decisions, and form preferences. Based on Carl Jung’s theory on personality types, MBTI has been a popular psychological instrument used worldwide.
The names of the personality types are derived as acronyms of the four cognitive functions that define each personality. The INTJ meaning comes from introverted, intuitive, thinking, and judging cognitive functions that create the INTJ personality type.
These people are called Architects or Strategists, as they stand out with their analytical and logical approach to life. This article reviews the INTJ personality from the perspective of relationships, dating, and compatibility with other personality types.
How Do INTJs Look at Dating and Falling in Love
INTJs are outstanding strategists, people with refined logical reasoning and practical intelligence. They love challenges and love thinking outside the box, always looking for innovations and functionality.
However, when it comes to romance, INTJs appear, roughly said, clueless. Since they are rational above all, they approach with the same seriousness as they would approach any other challenge – with a plan and well thought of strategy.
Basically, for INTJs, finding a compatible partner is a challenge itself as their highly set standards apply to their criteria for a perfect mate. And, that’s where problems start, as finding the ideal partner who matches their criteria borders the impossible.
What Architects Look For in the Dating Phase
INTJs are introverts who despise small talk, trivialities, and everything else that is mundane or mediocre. It is no surprise that the partner they look for or find attractive is someone who has more than just looks.
The core values that INTJs consider to be a must even at the early offset of the relationship are honesty, intelligence, and open communication.
But, dating an INTJ is an experience that speaks of itself. Architects are inconvenient and never get attracted by all those tiny signs of romance.
Socially accepted norms that define a relationship and the small gestures that shape its functionality, such as candlelight dinner, romantic gifts, or trips are out of the question as well, as they don’t find the sense in them.
If their potential partner doesn’t mind going astray from the social understanding of a ‘good date,’ they have passed stage one.
If the relationship is advancing, INTJs will look for ultimate honesty and loyalty. That helps them rely on their mate and function in the system they have been creating based on clearly expressed opinions, desires, and preferences.
If this system gets disturbed (read: the partner has lied or wasn’t acting according to his/her words), the INTJs are likely to dismiss it as a short-lived passion without turning back.
INTJs in Love – How Do They Build the Relationship and Show Love?
When an Architect finds the ‘close-to-perfect’ partner, he/she can be very supportive. The fact that they dedicate some of their precious time to another human being should be enough indication that they are serious about the relationship. INTJs won’t go to the next level in their relationship if they don’t see the person as a long-term partner.
And when we say partner, we mean a partner in every sense of the word. Their ideal partner is someone who backs them up, supports them in their ‘huge’ plans and projects, and most importantly, understands their need for retreat and time alone.
Given this, Architects will be loyal partners who will show extreme support in helping their partners achieve their dreams. They can use all their talents to make sure that their partner reaches their potential.
On the flip side, emotional expression, tenderness, and affection are not something that INTJs’ partners should expect. Architects are notorious for expressing love in a standardized way, simply because their minds find no logic for doing so.
Anyway, even though they are bad at expressing or understanding feelings, they usually find a way (non-standardized and unconventional) to show their partners that they care about them.
INTJ Strengths in a Relationship
- Take their relationship very seriously
Although they might not appear like that, INTJs take their relationship very seriously and commit themselves to it. They act upon their partner’s words, respond to their demands, and integrate their partners into their plans.
- Good listeners
No matter what the topic of the discussion is, or the circumstance, Architects listen carefully to what their partners say and wire the information for any future reference.
- Curious to know more about their partner
INTJs ask many questions, especially when they start to develop stronger emotions about their partner. This is when they are genuinely interested.
INTJs love to see their partners successful and satisfied, so they are eager to do anything to help them achieve their dreams.
- Honest and loyal
One of the core values INTJs have is their utter respect for honesty and loyalty. When they engage in a relationship, they speak the truth and nothing but the truth, and they expect the same from their partner. And their loyalty does not involve fidelity only. They are loyal to everything related to their partner, their deeds, intentions, or plans.
- Self-confident and capable
This self-confidence can be a two-edged sword but taken from the positive side, they appear that they know what they are doing and where they are headed. There’s nothing that an INTJ can’t do, which can be the base for a functional relationship.
Here you can read more about INTJ’s strengths and weaknesses.
INTJ Weaknesses in a Relationship
- Emotionally clueless
INTJs can often feel baffled when it comes to understanding their own or the other person’s feelings. They can often dismiss their partner’s strong feelings as illogical and confusing, which can disappoint their partners.
- Need a clear explanation of everything
INTJs are not good at reading clues simply because they believe that they might be misguiding and irrational. This is why they need clear-cut instructions and explanations on basically anything which could be irritating for their partners.
- Very private and reserved
INTJs are among the most reserved of the introverts and rarely share their insights with others. This can give a false impression of not being interested or attracted to their partner. Plus, they rarely share their opinion, which can additionally confuse their mates.
- Need a lot of time alone
This is how Architects charge their batteries and create their big plans. They don’t like distractions and would hardly compensate their time-alone with any other activity.
INTJs Best Match For a Romantic Relationship
Taken from the MBTI perspective, the best INTJ match would be ENTJs, ENFPs, or ENTPs.
The best match for the INTJs would be personalities that show high constructive reasoning and empathy, but at the same time, they are patient enough not to push things.
They look for intellectuals who are stimulating and show interest in the INTJs’ work (here you can find out more about INTJ work and career recommendations) and deep dedication to their projects. Plus, they need to intuitively grasp the awkward signals of love and attraction that INTJs show.
The relationship with an ENTJ is most likely to be successful as both personalities are career-oriented and not particularly sensitive. They both need and highly value independence and show interest in intellectual discussions, so it is without a doubt that they are going to support each other highly.
However, the problem might arise if ENTJ tries to control, limit, or impose himself/herself over his/her INTJ partner. Another problem might be their competitive nature as they might try to prove to each other better. Yet, if both partners are mature enough, this relationship has a good perspective.
It is mutually agreed that a mature and understanding person can engage in a relationship with any personality type. However, those personalities that are pure opposites can be a real challenge that could be a reason for disagreements and misunderstanding.
When it comes to INTJ relationships and dating, it could be said that it is a challenge for other personality types to comply with the unstandardized norms INTJs impose. Architects are entirely unlikely to put their relationship first. They prioritize their career over their relationship and show a lack of understanding of other people’s emotions. Therefore, it goes without saying that a few personality types can be called genuinely compatible.
Compatibility with Other Personality Types
Good prospects would have a relationship with ENTPs or ENTJs as both personalities are intellectual, success-driven, and goal-oriented. All personalities are very independent and put careers first, so they won’t feel that they are neglecting their partners.
The con side of the relationship with these personalities could be their expressed need for fun and adventure, which INTJs are unwilling to provide. Plus, the INTJ might get deeply disappointed by ENTPs instability and broken promises.
A relationship with an INTP could have good chances because both personalities show similarities such as a desire for intellectual conversations and stimulation; both are analytical and introverted. INTPs are more emotional, so adding some romance and love stimulus to the relationship can be a real refreshment for the INTJ.
Also, their pronounced need for independence and time to spend alone won’t bother either of them. Yet, the INTP’s spontaneous nature could annoy the INTJ, as Architects need precise plans and hate surprises.
INTJ as a Parent – Parental Relationship with Their Children
INTJs might struggle to understand their children’s emotions; however, they approach parenting with a strategy and a plan. They usually try to find a better way and age-appropriate plans to overcome difficulties and help their children comprehend the world around them.
Architects’ greatest desire is to see their children grow into independent adults with emphasized critical thinking and objective approaches.
Since INTJs highly value truth and honesty, they insist on being open with their children and discuss even the most difficult subjects with them.
And, while this open approach is an excellent way to introduce children to a darker world and warn them of the dangers that lurk behind, INTJs should be very careful about how they approach these topics.
Sometimes, failing to recognize children’s feelings can lead to distance and alienation instead of closer connection and appreciation.
INTJ as a Lover in a Sexual Relationship
INTJs think about love much more than they express it. They are far from being insensitive robots, but they simply appear detached from their emotions.
They are more likely to develop theories, plan strategies, create visual images, and then pursue them in real life. Anyway, their imagined, rigid standards are not very likely to be met.
This imagination also extends to the bedroom, where they do show some creativity and originality. As INTJs love learning and overcoming challenges, they will definitely use some of their wits to meet their partner’s desires, provided their partner was open about what he/she wants.
However, whether it will be more imagination and talks or actually doing it will largely depend on INTJs’ identity distinguished through the subtypes INTJ-A and INTJ-T.
INTJs in Friendships, What They Value, and How They Make Friends
While it is an undeniable fact that INTJs are not fond of small talk, trivialities, and mediocre discussions, they do love hanging out with friends who they deem to be witty and knowledgeable.
INTJs usually have a small circle of friends to discuss theories and ideas. They are known to have an excellent sense of witty but in some cases sarcastic humor, and love sharing ‘big’ ideas.
As with everything else in their lives, INTJs look for independence even in their social circles. They reject the standardized social norms and expectations and hardly ever comply with any pre-determined social etiquette.
Among their friends, they tend to dominate, imposing with their intelligence and know-it-all attitude. That might appear arrogant and self-centered, and this is where INTJs should try to avoid showing their superiority.
INTJ and Breakups
When INTJs decide to break up a relationship, they can easily go over the person without any remorse or guilty conscience. This is because their logic has already supported their decision that the person was not ‘the one.’
However, when the breakup happens with a person, they had a very close attachment to, they are far from indifferent.
Yet, INTJs use their sound reasoning and logic to back up the breaking up process even in such cases. They can almost immediately go on by occupying themselves with a new project or a new working task.
The fact that they don’t prioritize emotions and are exceptionally independent considerably alleviates the process.
Frequently Asked Questions
What personality type is the best match for a romantic relationship with INTJ?
The best for INTJs are people who are intellectual, understanding, and who don’t have highly emphasized the need for emotional attachment and affection. Taken from the MBTI perspective, the best INTJ match would be ENTJs, ENFPs, or ENTPs.
Do INTJ fall in love easily?
Since INTJs are not emotionally driven, the process of falling in love is obscured by intellectual attraction and admiration. INTJs usually fall for people who are sincere and who are capable of stimulating the INTJs’ mind.
How Do INTJs Show Love?
All standard ways of love manifestation seem to absent from INTJs’ lifestyle. Architects usually show love by offering love and support in what their partner is trying to achieve.
If you are an INTJ or involved with someone who has an INTJ personality type, it is very important to understand both, the INTJ advantages and soft spots, and be aware of the disadvantages as well. Only when realizing the cognitive complexion of these people it is possible to develop a meaningful relationship based on mutual understanding and trust.