The ESFJ personality is one of the sixteen possible personality types identified by the Myer Briggs Type Indicator, or MBTI. People with this personality have extroverted, sensing, feeling, and judging traits.
ESFJs, often referred to as Consuls or Providers, have supportive, nurturing, and predictable romantic relationships. They wish to support their spouses as best as they can and fulfill traditional masculine or feminine roles in relationships.
It can be difficult to understand what this unique personality type desires in romance. Read on to see the ESFJ personality type guide on relationships, specifically about their strengths and weaknesses in relationships.
Are you an ESFJ?
Take the free personality test to identify your true personality type. 16 Personality Types test reveals who you naturally are and why you do things the way you do. With this knowledge of yourself, you can build successful careers, find a dream job, build strong relationships, and live an authentic life.
TAKE THE FREE PERSONALITY TEST
ESFJ’s Best Match For a Romantic Relationship
The best match for the ESFJ is the ISFP. Both personalities share the sensing and feeling traits, meaning they will be open to sharing their emotions and using their senses in the relationship. Together, they can be more honest about their inner desires, focus on the present, and have similar decision-making processes.
Both have a desire to not hurt the other partner’s feelings. They value relationships and make long-lasting commitments. Also, the ISFP can help Consuls become more independent.
Compatibility with Other Personality Types
ESFJs should avoid relationships with an INTJ. This type dislikes socializing and enjoys thinking about abstractions, while the ESFJ loves social activities and dealing with tangible items.
Both of these types are stubborn, which further complicates the relationship. On the other hand, they do well with any of the following types: ISTP, ISFJ, ESFJ, ISTJ, ESTJ, ESTP, and ESFP.
These types fulfill at least some of their main desires. They appreciate commitments and recognize the ESFJ’s skills. It is best if the partner shares traditional values with the Consul and avoids negativity, even in the form of feedback.
Are you an ESFJ?
Take the free personality test to identify your true personality type. 16 Personality Types test reveals who you naturally are and why you do things the way you do. With this knowledge of yourself, you can build successful careers, find a dream job, build strong relationships, and live an authentic life.
TAKE THE FREE PERSONALITY TEST
How Do ESFJs Look at Dating and Falling in Love
ESFJs have a strong desire to belong and feel appreciated. They seek partners to be supportive, devoted, and appreciative of their strong qualities. Security and stability add an immense amount of structure to the Consul’s life, which they enjoy.
Consuls are not interested in casual and short-term dating. They wish to know that their partners will always be by their side, offering unwavering support, and share a common goal: marriage, and possibly kids after.
This personality type takes dating very seriously. To them, a fulfilling relationship satisfies both party’s mutual needs. It begins early on in the relationship by building up mutual respect and support for the opposite individual’s goals.
Since ESFJs base most of their confidence on the opinions of others, they appreciate receiving compliments. It boosts their self-esteem and creates a positive mood for the Consul.
Are you an ESFJ?
Take the free personality test to identify your true personality type. 16 Personality Types test reveals who you naturally are and why you do things the way you do. With this knowledge of yourself, you can build successful careers, find a dream job, build strong relationships, and live an authentic life.
TAKE THE FREE PERSONALITY TEST
ESFJ as a Parent – Parental Relationship with Their Child
ESFJs are warm, affectionate, and dedicated as parents. They are sensitive but firm and wish to share their traditional values with their children. However, they try to establish rules and authority without being overbearing. This MBTI type uses compassion to overcome any potential miscommunications.
From the very beginning of their child’s life, Consuls strive to ensure their children are safe and happy. They are supportive of their children and enjoy seeing the positive impacts of their parenting.
Sometimes, ESFJs become overprotective as their children age. Instead of just protecting them physically, they start to get involved in the kid’s social life. This may end up stifling the child’s emotional growth.
The Consul sees parent/children relationships as black and white: the parent will always remain as the ultimate authority. When their children reach adolescence, ESFJs often begin to feel hurt.
They dislike seeing their children drift away from them and become less dependent on their support. However, children and adolescents continue to enjoy the affection ESFJ parents give them for a lifetime.
Are you an ESFJ?
Take the free personality test to identify your true personality type. 16 Personality Types test reveals who you naturally are and why you do things the way you do. With this knowledge of yourself, you can build successful careers, find a dream job, build strong relationships, and live an authentic life.
TAKE THE FREE PERSONALITY TEST
ESFJ as a Lover in a Sexual Relationship
Consuls do not participate in one-night stands and take their sexual life very seriously. Once they decide to date someone, they are serious and committed. Often, they will show their affection for their partners in public. They wish that others acknowledge the relationship’s success.
Also, give their full heart to their lover. When they fall in love, they fall head over heels. They care deeply about the people in their lives and wish to ensure their partner’s happiness. Relationships are about much more than appearance to ESFJs.
They see deep into their partner’s hearts and seek to find similar values. Consuls will defend their partners and stay loyal to them, as long as the partner remains appreciative of their efforts, enjoys living in the present, and comforts them in time of need.
This personality type always puts their partner’s needs above their own. In fact, they may be so selfless that they ignore their own needs in an effort to satisfy their partners.
However, ESFJs do not seek to be servants. Instead, they simply wish to be valued by their partner and they wish to live a stable and traditional lifestyle with a single partner.
ESFJ in Friendships
ESFJs make great friends and are generally well-liked by most people. They are warm, friendly, outgoing, and have the ability to read social cues. Consuls offer support during difficult times and encourage their friends when they feel unmotivated.
You can count on ESFJs to give strong emotional support, as well as offer empathy and advice at any point. Consuls seek to avoid conflict in their friendships. They try to ensure their friends stay satisfied.
However, ESFJs are also prone to saying yes too often and overload themselves with commitments. They do this to avoid seeing their friend’s disappointment. Later, they may have to change plans because they cannot fulfill all of their commitments.
When looking at the list of jobs for an ESFJ, you can see they are willing to perform some of the more tedious tasks at work. This same willingness to do less exciting tasks for the benefit of the group is carried into their friendships as well.
Consuls volunteer to speak about topics they may personally be uninterested in to make their friends happy, for instance.
ESFJ and Breakups
ESFJs are often very committed in their relationships, so going through a breakup can hurt them deeply. However, they will try to move on quickly after a breakup. During the last moments in a relationship, they will try to the best of their ability to make the partnership work.
Once it becomes evident that there is no way to salvage the relationship, though, ESFJs prefer to begin the healing process instead of dwelling in the past.
Consuls try to distract themselves from hurt feelings by keeping themselves busy, often trying new activities for participating in social activities after a breakup. In fact, they may start dating relatively quickly after ending the relationship.
Are you an ESFJ?
Take the free personality test to identify your true personality type. 16 Personality Types test reveals who you naturally are and why you do things the way you do. With this knowledge of yourself, you can build successful careers, find a dream job, build strong relationships, and live an authentic life.
TAKE THE FREE PERSONALITY TEST
ESFJ Strengths in Relationships
As with all personality types, there are specific ESFJ strengths and weaknesses. A few of the greatest ESFJ strengths include:
Attentive
Out of all the MBTI types, ESFJs make one of the most attentive partners. Since Consuls are so selfless, they are able to spend their energy on their spouse rather than on themselves. It is also natural for ESFJs to understand body language, social cues, and emotional desires that others may not pick up.
Devoted
ESFJs take their commitments seriously, and it is no different for romance. This is a traditional MBTI type, and once they commit to a relationship, they will likely stick to it. To ensure conflict does not separate the two parties, ESFJs maintain a mutual trust with their partner.
Affectionate
Consuls feel love strongly and they are not afraid to show that. This is true both in private and in public spaces.
Responsible
You can count on an ESFJ to perform day-to-day tasks which may not be as exciting for certain personalities. They are good with money but do not mind splurging if it means making their partner happy.
Realistic
ESFJs are practical and realistic in relationships, meaning they do not expect the impossible out of their spouse. Instead, they simply try to assist their partner in becoming the best version of themselves.
Conflict averse
Consuls hate conflict, and would much rather find a way to keep the peace. Whenever making decisions, they find a way to make their choices a win-win for both parties instead of maximizing their gain.
ESFJ Weaknesses in Relationships
Like with all personalities, ESFJs do have their weaknesses in romance. This includes:
Extreme selflessness
It is possible for ESFJs to be too selfless in relationships. In fact, they can be so focused on their partner’s needs that they disregard their own values and desires. They are prone to feeling resentful if their kind gestures are not recognized.
Sensitivity to criticism
Feedback is meant to help an individual, but ESFJs often view criticism as a personal attack. Consuls are easily hurt by negative speech, especially if it is coming from their loved ones.
Inflexible
Consuls can be slow to change and at times even judgemental. They have traditional beliefs and believe everyone should obtain similar values, often making them close-minded. If their partner deviates from social norms, they will likely get upset.
Desire for validation
ESFJs desire to be appreciated and recognized by friends, colleagues, and spouses. They may get obsessed over their social status and influence. If Consuls do not get reassurance from their spouses, they may become insecure as they are not naturally confident.
However, the ESFJ-A and ESFJ-T have different confidence levels: the assertive Consuls need less approval from others.
Are you an ESFJ?
Take the free personality test to identify your true personality type. 16 Personality Types test reveals who you naturally are and why you do things the way you do. With this knowledge of yourself, you can build successful careers, find a dream job, build strong relationships, and live an authentic life.
TAKE THE FREE PERSONALITY TEST
ESFJ Relationships FAQ
Who Should an ESFJ marry?
The best match for an ESFJ is the ISFP. The two share a common feeling and sensing trait. Communication between the two of them will be open and honest.
They will feel comfortable sharing their inner feelings with one another. Plus, the ESFJ can truly be focused on the present if their partner is an ISFP. They can enjoy many activities and live a relatively stressless lifestyle.
Do ESFJs fall in love easily?
ESFJs do not fall in love easily. In fact, they may be apprehensive and worried about dating at first. This is so because they are worried about getting hurt or rejected.
However, when they do find someone special to them, they are committed to them. In other words, when they find a genuine partner, they fall deeply in love. They may begin to bring you flowers or other gifts after they know you are the one.
What are ESFJ attracted to?
ESFJs are attracted to individuals who can share their passion and emotions with them. They find uniqueness and creativity to be attractive qualities. A little bit of awkwardness can be attractive for ESFJs.
Being easy-going and relaxed is also attractive. Spontaneity and lack of planning turn some personality types away from you, but not the ESFJ.
Are ESFJs good in bed?
ESFJs are open in bed, just like they are in general. They want to give some and also receive some energy. Hookups and casual sex are not well-liked by most ESFJs. They want to establish a deep emotional connection with their partner before they get in bed.
Since they live in the moment, though, sex does not require much planning for ESFJs. They can become intimate quite quickly, making them stereotypically “good in bed.”
Who goes well with ESFJ?
Two great partners for the ESFJ are the ISFP and ISTP. The logical nature of the ISTP can be attractive to ESFJs. On the other hand, the more feeling and open nature of the ESFJ is attractive to the ISTP.
ISTPs can also become more social with the help of ESFJs. The openness, casualness, and free spirit of the ISFP can make them great matches for ESFJs. ESFJs can be less planned or stressed with the ISFP’s help.
Conclusion
ESFJs love receiving compliments from their spouses, but are also incredibly selfless. They are willing to make large sacrifices to make their partner happy. Consuls will gladly help their loved ones through difficult times, motivate them in times of despair, and assist them with everyday tasks.
However, the ESFJ can also become overly selfless or sensitive. They may view constructive criticism from their partners as a personal attack. Traditional values play a key role in ESFJ relationships, and if their partners deviate from such norms, Consuls could become upset.
Still, ESFJs are one of the most well-liked MBTI personalities. You can also find out your type by taking this 16 personality test. They make great partners to a large population and are recognized as some of the most committed partners out there.
