In psychology, delayed gratification, or deferred qualification, refers to the ability to resist an immediate reward to obtain a larger or more enduring one later. While this might sound like a simple task, it’s a relatively complex behavior. Understanding delayed gratification is an essential part of understanding cognitive processes and our ability to use willpower to overcome negative impulses and impulsive behaviors. By taking the HIGH5 strengths assessment, you can gain valuable insights into your natural tendencies and how they relate to your ability to delay gratification. This self-awareness is the first step towards leveraging your strengths to build better self-control and achieve long-term success. This article will discuss delayed gratification and impulse control and how these concepts relate to happiness and a healthy, well-balanced lifestyle.
What is delayed gratification?
Delayed gratification is the ability to resist the temptation of an immediate reward in favor of a greater reward later. It involves self-control, patience, and long-term thinking to achieve better results over time. Put simply, delayed gratification means resisting temptation, and can be seen as a cornerstone of emotional intelligence. As the famous saying states: “The best things in life are worth waiting for.”
Research suggests that people who can delay gratification and resist impulsivity will be more likely to succeed in life than those who don’t. This is because delaying gratification helps us learn important life skills such as setting goals, maintaining discipline, and following through on tasks even when we don’t feel like it.
The Stanford Marshmallow experiment
In the famous experiment conducted by Walter Mischel of Standford University [1], a group of preschool children were offered a single marshmallow. The researcher left the room for 15 minutes and told the child that if they waited to eat the marshmallow, they would receive a second marshmallow when he returned. Hence, they were given a choice between a small reward provided immediately or a greater reward if they waited for a short period. Mischel’s results found that the children who were able to wait longer for the larger reward tended to have better life outcomes, including higher SAT scores, educational attainment, and body mass index [2].
Why is delayed gratification so important?
While delayed gratification might seem like an unimportant topic, it significantly impacts your happiness and overall well-being. The HIGH5 strengths assessment can be a powerful tool in this journey, helping you identify your innate strengths that support self-discipline and long-term thinking. By recognizing and leveraging these strengths, you can more effectively cultivate the ability to delay gratification, leading to a more fulfilling and balanced lifestyle. Here are just some reasons why delaying your desires for immediate gratification is essential:
It helps us plan ahead
One key aspect of delayed gratification is setting goals and following through with them. If we want to lose weight, it means resisting the urge for unhealthy food and treats and prioritizing exercise over passive activities like watching TV or playing video games, keeping in mind our ultimate goal. Similarly, if we’re going to change the way we think about things or improve our current situation, delaying gratification can be a powerful tool for helping us achieve this.
It helps us learn important life skills
Resisting immediate reward is not an easy thing to do and requires the use of willpower. Therefore, by learning how to delay our gratification, we are also strengthening our ability to develop discipline and persistence – both vital traits that will help us throughout our lives.
It helps us better understand ourselves
Understanding the reason for your choices can give you valuable insight into who you are as a person, make positive changes, and form new habits.
Delaying your gratification also helps others
By learning how to delay your gratification and develop more discipline, you can use these skills to help those around you. For example, if you’re trying to lose weight with your partner, you can motivate each other to stick to your routines and focus on the long-term benefits. Resisting temptation is hard, but if you have another person with whom to discuss and share your challenges, it is easier for both of you to follow through.
Pro Tip From HIGH5
Align your goals with your HIGH5 strengths to make delayed gratification feel more natural and rewarding. For example, if “Deliverer” is a top strength, set clear milestones to satisfy your need for accomplishment while working towards a larger goal.
Examples of delayed gratification
Let’s now look at some examples of delayed gratification in action. As you read through these scenarios, consider how your unique strengths, which you can discover through the HIGH5 assessment, might play a role in each situation. Understanding your strengths can provide you with personalized strategies for mastering delayed gratification in various aspects of your life, from managing finances to achieving long-term goals.
Food
Many people wake up and automatically reach for the biscuit tin or a sugary drink – some might not even wait till they’re out of bed. However, if you want to start living a healthier lifestyle, you’ll need to learn how to resist these desires in favor of something more nutritious. Similarly, snacks such as candy and chocolate might seem like nice treats when we get home from work, but if we want to lose weight, it means learning how to resist temptation and choosing something lighter instead, such as fruit, vegetables, yogurt, or whole-grain foods.
Material pleasures
Many people enjoy indulging in material l rewards, such as buying a new pair of shoes or treating themselves to a new, expensive car. However, there are times when we need to take a step back and think about what impact our actions will have in the long term. If you choose to buy these shoes, will you have enough money left at the end of your month to pay your bills? Is this pair of shoes really worth putting yourself in debt for? Consider also how your present spending might impact your future plans.
Perhaps you want to start your own business? Save for your wedding? Plan for your dream vacation? Everyone can agree that future life events like these are more fulfilling than that pair of shoes you’re holding in your hand. As such, delayed gratification does not only help you avoid financial problems but, in the bigger picture, it may help you live a fuller life.
Social interactions
Another challenge many people face is controlling their impulses in social situations. When you are engaged in an argument – especially if you have a temper – it’s easy to get fired up and react aggressively, and you might end up saying things you regret or hurt someone’s feelings. Instead of letting your emotions override your rationality, try to take a deep breath, step back, focusing on being constructive rather than defensive. A lot of conflicts could have been avoided with proper communication. This does not only apply in close relationships, but everyday interactions.
For example, if someone cuts in line while you’re waiting patiently for your turn at the bank, you might get the urge to lash out and give them a piece of your mind. However, this reaction will only escalate the problem and lead to an argument where no one emerges victorious. Instead, try addressing the issue with a calm, polite comment, such as “Excuse me, I believe I was ahead of you.” If the person refuses to listen, it’s better to take a step back and rise above it rather than engage in unnecessary confrontations. As we’ve seen from these examples, there are countless ways to learn how to delay gratification that can positively impact our lives.
Pro Tip From HIGH5
Use your HIGH5 strengths to reframe challenges in delayed gratification. If “Optimist” is a key strength, focus on the positive outcomes of waiting, turning the delay into an exciting anticipation rather than a frustrating wait.
How to exercise and improve your ability to delay gratification?
To improve your ability to delay gratification, it’s crucial to understand your personal strengths and how they can support this skill. The HIGH5 strengths assessment offers a comprehensive analysis of your top strengths, providing you with a solid foundation for developing effective strategies. Armed with this self-knowledge, you can tailor the following exercises to your unique strengths profile, making them more effective and sustainable for you.
Give definitive time-frames
If you’re trying to learn how to delay gratification, you must give yourself definitive time-frames. For example, if your goal is to get in shape or to read one book each week,, then the vague goal of ‘trying harder’ will never work for you. Choose specific times at which to engage in the activity – for instance, mark in your calendar “exercise at 5 PM”, or set aside 30 for reading each night. Pushing yourself too hard and failing to follow up with your plans decreases motivation, and it’s therefore important to take it slow, step by step. You don’t have to exercise for three hours seven days a week – 45 minutes every second day might be enough in the beginning.
Pro Tip From HIGH5
Create a “Strength-Powered Delay Plan” using your HIGH5 results. Identify which of your top strengths can help you in different delayed gratification scenarios and develop specific strategies for each. This personalized approach will make your efforts more effective and sustainable.
Delayed gratification in relationships
Delayed gratification is helpful in relationships and when seeking to find the right partner. In a new relationship, committing too fast may cause future complications in, and you could end up being hurt. Instead of rushing into things, take it slowly in the beginning, by getting to know the other person on a deeper level or wait with sex until you know the relationship is worth pursuing. Being patient when finding the right partner can help you build stronger connections and long-lasting relationships.
Delayed gratification FAQ
Is delayed gratification good in a business context?
In the world of business, you must know how to delay a reward and keep working for the long term. Entrepreneurs almost never achieve success overnight. It might take years or even decades of hard work to get any sort of payout. Knowing how to say “no” in the short term to achieve your long-term goals can also benefit your health and career. Therefore, there are many circumstances where delayed gratification can be used to your benefit.
Is delayed gratification emotional intelligence?
Although emotional intelligence and delayed gratification are not the same concept, they are intertwined in some aspects. For example, it may be instantly gratifying to scold your employees after they make a mistake. You may feel powerful as a result, but it negatively impacts your relationship with that individual. However, if you use delayed gratification, you can resist the impulse and use your interpersonal skills instead.
Why is delayed gratification so hard?
Delayed gratification is difficult because our brains are wired to seek immediate pleasure and rewards. When we face an option to get something now versus later, the promise of immediate satisfaction often feels more appealing. This tendency is reinforced by instant gratification available through modern technology and conveniences, which makes waiting even harder. Overcoming this requires conscious effort and developing self-control to balance short-term impulses with long-term benefits.
Why do I love delayed gratification?
You likely enjoy delayed gratification because it brings a sense of accomplishment and long-term satisfaction. It helps you feel in control of your actions, leading to better outcomes and personal growth.
Is delayed gratification a habit?
Yes, delayed gratification can become a habit with consistent practice. By repeatedly exercising self-control and patience, you can train yourself to prioritize long-term rewards over immediate impulses.
References:
- Mischel W; Ebbesen EB. Attention in delay of gratification. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 1970;16(2): 329–337.
- Schlam, TR, Wilson, NL, Shoda, Y, Mischel, W, Ozlem A. (2013). Preschoolers’ delay of gratification predicts their body mass 30 years later. The Journal of Pediatrics. 2013;162(1): 90–93.
