What Is Toxic Positivity? Meaning, Examples & How To Deal With It

Written by HIGH5 Content & Review Team
November 29, 2024
Strengths
Reviewed by Oda Bjørnevik Frisvold (Håheim)

When someone tells you to stay happy, even in the face of tragedy or difficult situations, they are espousing toxic positivity. The notion that one should suppress negative emotions and stay happy at all costs is at the heart of this idea. While being positive and optimistic has many benefits to mental health, this theory takes positivity to the extreme. It encourages individuals to repress their emotions and hide their true feelings. The constantly happy individual leading a perfectly happy life is the poster image of constant positivity advocates. However, negative feelings are as much a part of life as positive ones, and neglecting them only makes it harder to cope with challenges.

In this article, we will examine the risks of toxic positivity and how you can avoid falling into the constantly positive trap. By understanding your unique strengths through tools like the HIGH5 test, you can develop a more balanced and authentic approach to positivity. This strengths-based assessment helps you recognize and appreciate both your positive attributes and areas for growth, fostering a healthier emotional perspective.

What is toxic positivity? Definition and meaning

Toxic positivity, also known as excessive positivity, or positive toxicity, is a dysfunctional emotional management strategy in which a person neglects to acknowledge negative feelings in themselves and in others. They embody a constant pressure to stay happy and upbeat, promoting excessive positivity even when faced with situations where difficult emotions are a natural part of coping – such as feeling hopeless in the face of hardships, or sad when experiencing loss. Toxic positivity is often misunderstood by the general population. When someone encourages you to look on the bright side or tries to lift your spirits, they are not being toxic. On the other hand, someone who believes all negative human emotions should be neglected and individuals should constantly be happy subscribes to this toxic philosophy.

If you reject or dismiss your negative emotions, it not only impairs your ability to constructively handle difficult situations, but it takes away the authentic experience of life. While looking on the bright side is generally a good trait, failing to understand deep emotions that are not positive can be a form of excessive positivity. In contrast, understanding your authentic self through a strengths-based approach, such as the HIGH5 strengths test, can help you develop a more balanced perspective. By identifying your top strengths, you can acknowledge both your positive attributes and areas for improvement, fostering genuine self-awareness and emotional intelligence. This approach allows you to embrace positivity without denying the full spectrum of human emotions.

Pro Tip From HIGH5

When faced with challenging situations, refer to your HIGH5 strengths. How can you use these strengths to address the situation authentically, without resorting to toxic positivity

Why is toxic positivity harmful? Explained by psychologists

Toxic positivity can hurt your satisfaction, authenticity, and ability to comprehend challenging feelings. It can also have a significantly negative impact on your mental health, and how you perceive mental health issues in general [1,2]. In cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), changing our thinking patterns is an important part of treating patients with disorders such as depression and anxiety. Focusing on positive thinking is a major part of this approach. An equally important part, however, is to acknowledge our difficult emotions and the situations in which they arise. Where positive thinking becomes toxic when it is expected to get rid of negative feelings [3]. People who embrace positive toxicity and express excessive optimism also have a tendency to project it onto others, believing that their exclusively positive outlook will benefit others and better help them cope. In reality, instead of being comforted or encouraged, toxic positivity makes people feel ignored and unheard.

Reasons why displaying positive toxicity is harmful

It shames people. Being overly positive does not provide any genuine support to those who are struggling. Instead, it tells them their emotions and not valid. It could also make them feel weak, decrease their self-confidence, and isolate them. If you are trying to overcome painful emotions, ignoring them is not the best way to move forward.
People feel guilty for having natural negative feelings. Toxically positive people may often state that if you do not constantly think positive thoughts, something is wrong with your mindset. However, that is simply not true. Having such a no-negative feeling approach to life only sets people up for guilt when they inevitably experience sadness, anger, or fear.
It suppresses normal emotional responses. It is evolutionary and neurologically expected of humans to react to difficult experiences with negative emotions. We evolved to feel afraid when we are in danger or feel sadness when we lose someone important to us. Toxic positivity teaches people to deny their natural emotional responses in favor of inauthentic optimism. Thus, people begin to discount and deny their feelings instead of addressing them and growing emotionally.
It stalls growth. The negative consequences of denying your feelings reach beyond causing short-term distress. In fact, they also prevent you from pursuing personal growth. When you confront your feelings and learn about them, you gain immense insights into your personality, goals, and desires. Without a comprehensive understanding of yourself, including the ability to evaluate and fully feel negative emotions, you cannot gain these crucial insights. You risk being trapped in a limited understanding of your emotions and potential.
It decreases self-esteem and confidence. Understand that everyone experiences negative emotions, and suppressing such emotions can contribute to magnifying them When you realize you cannot handle these emotions by simply being positive, you may believe that something is wrong with you. In reality, you are simply experiencing the natural consequences of emotional suppression.

Pro Tip From HIGH5

Use your HIGH5 strengths as a framework for emotional growth. When experiencing negative emotions, consider how your strengths can help you process and learn from these feelings rather than suppressing them. By helping you identify and understand your unique strengths, the HIGH5 test encourages a balanced approach to self-reflection. It allows you to acknowledge both your positive attributes and areas for improvement, fostering genuine emotional growth.

Signs of toxic positivity

Toxic positivity is a combination of both a mindset and specific behaviors. These beliefs and reactions can be subtle. If you wish to avoid projecting toxic positivity, change your mindset to a more constructive one, or recognize toxically positive behaviors in others, watch out for these signs.

Ignoring your feelings of anger, loneliness, sadness, or other emotions we usually label as negative.
Feeling like you are a failure for experiencing experiencing emotional pain, or anything other than positive emotions.
Stating that you feel fine and spreading positive phrases even when you feel empty or hurt in reality.
Ignoring the psychological stress others may be going through because it makes you feel negative emotions.
Failing to recognize the downsides of excessive optimism or the fact that being positive is not a guarantee of success.
Shaming others when they are down or do not have a positive attitude.
Believing that ignoring emotions makes you stronger or better than those who do not.
Viewing difficult emotions as insignificant and unimportant to your long-term happiness.
Posting feel-good quotes or motivational quotes to make you seem more positive and in control of your emotions than you truly are.
When asked for advice on dealing with emotions, you give meaningless and hollow phrases about the power of positivity while failing to address negative feelings.

How to avoid and deal with toxic positivity?

Now that you understand the negative effects of toxic positivity, you may be wondering: how do I overcome it? A crucial first step is gaining a comprehensive understanding of yourself, including your unique strengths and areas for growth. This is where the HIGH5 strengths assessment can be a game-changer. By identifying your top five strengths, the HIGH5 test provides a foundation for authentic self-awareness and balanced emotional development. Armed with this knowledge, you can better understand how the toxic positivity mindset affects your everyday life and develop strategies to overcome it that align with your natural strengths. Even the most toxically positive people can develop a balance of positivity and negativity in their lives. To combat toxic positivity, try the following strategies.

Pro Tip From HIGH5

Create a “Strengths Journal” based on your HIGH5 results. Regularly reflect on how you’ve used your strengths to navigate both positive and negative experiences, promoting a balanced emotional perspective.

Manage your negative emotions, but don’t deny them

Having negative thoughts and emotions is part of the natural human experience. When these emotions are left unchecked, they can cause problems. However, ignoring them completely is equally counterproductive. These feelings provide insights into what you truly desire in life, as well as how certain relationships affect you. Studies indicate that toxic positivity not only erodes emotional intimacy but can also harm one’s self-perception. For example, those on the receiving end of toxic positivity may feel guilty or inadequate for experiencing natural, challenging emotions like sadness or anger. Over time, this approach can contribute to mental health issues, as it prevents individuals from processing and understanding their emotions in a healthy way [1].

Such relationships can become strained due to a lack of genuine communication and mutual understanding. It is therefore important to be honest with yourself as well as with others – this will help build trust and bring you closer to those around you. If you feel overwhelmed or find it difficult to deal with such emotions on your own, seek help from others. A conversation with a friend or relative can make an immense difference, and help you feel less alone. If the problems persist for a longer period of time, consider seeking professional help. Know that there is no threshold for how ‘bad’ a situation needs to be before you seek help. Help is always available. At last, when presenting an issue or communicating your emotional issues to another person – whether a friend, a family member, or a therapist – remember to always be honest about how you feel. Do not dismiss or sugarcoat your true emotions, as that is exactly what positive toxicity is about.

Be realistic about what you should feel

In certain circumstances, negative thoughts and feelings are a completely normal response. For instance, when a friend moves away, feeling lonely, upset, or even angry are all natural reactions. Changing our mindset and view on emotions is not only about identifying and getting rid of toxic positivity – it is about how we define and regard emotions we label as negative [4]. Referring to a natural experience as ‘negative’ only strengthens this feeling or leads us to dismiss and repress it. As humans, we have a natural tendency to compare and juxtapose concepts – light and dark, good and bad, and negative and positive. But emotions are not exclusive nor separated – they exist on a spectrum.

It is possible to experience both positive and negative emotions at once, and sometimes these experiences are combined. Instead of labeling emotions such as anger, fear, and sadness as ‘negative’, try to rather think of them as difficult. This builds a much better foundation for introspection, self-awareness, and handling emotions constructively. Convincing yourself you are fine, even when you are distressed, is not emotionally healthy. Do not expect to feel happy 100% of the time. Take care of yourself when faced with trying times, including by acknowledging your negative feelings. It is best to listen and learn from such feelings instead of running from them.

Acknowledge that difficult emotions can be constructive

If you have a large test coming soon, feeling worried or anxious is common and acceptable. It helps you ensure you study well and pay attention to every question. If you are nervous about a job interview, you are more inclined to prepare in advance, and your focus senses will be sharpened. Think about it this way: when feel stressed, anxious, worried, or nervous about important events and challenges, it indicates that these events are important to you. If you did not feel stressed about an exam or nervous about a job interview, it would be a sign that you are not invested. Hence, these emotions we label as ‘negative’ are actually constructive and necessary in such contexts. So instead of dismissing and ignoring them, you can harness these emotions to your benefit.

Focus on listening to others and showing support

If you want to combat your inner toxicity, validate your friends, colleagues, and family members’ emotions, without making them feel guilty or inadequate for going through difficulties. Offering them solely optimistic statements is an ineffective way of supporting them. This does not mean positivity should be discouraged. If someone is asking for advice on how to solve a problem or improve a situation, you can of course present some productive strategies focusing on positive aspects, or help them view the situation from a more optimistic perspective. All in all, the most important way to show support to others is to be an active listener and acknowledge the feelings of the person you are speaking to. Not every problem is yours to resolve – sometimes showing empathy and understanding is more than enough.

Be aware of external influence

Ever so popular in our digital age, social media platforms such as Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok overflow with toxically positive content. From inspirational quotes and blog posts to influencer videos, and even friends’ posts showcasing ‘perfect’ happy lifestyles, these platforms promote a polished, unrealistic version of happiness. Magazines, articles, commercials, books, and movies also contribute to this trend, uncritically endorsing superficial and constructed ideas of positivity. If you find yourself feeling guilty or uncomfortable when viewing such content, try to limit your exposure to it. Be aware of who you choose to follow and which media you consume.

If your focus lies constantly on “positive-only” content, this could harm your emotional growth. Although inspirational accounts can help you adopt a better mindset, they can have negative consequences if followed religiously. Always be critical of the content you consume. Keep there is no such thing as a ‘perfect’ life – everyone experiences problems, hardships, and ups and downs, despite their Instagram account suggesting otherwise.

Practice gratitude instead of toxic positivity

Expressing gratitude also involves adopting a positive mindset, but in a much more authentic and constructive way. As opposed to toxic positivity, gratitude is a mindfulness practice that accepts the full range of human emotions, in which introspection is used to positively impact our mindset and emotional health [1]. Practicing gratitude means recognizing the good in your life and expressing thankfulness. It does not imply ignoring or avoiding hardships, but rather choosing to acknowledge the brighter side of things, even in difficult times. Hence, embracing positivity can be helpful and rewarding, so long as you maintain an approach that is authentic and accepting rather than dismissive and constraining.

3 books about toxic positivity

Books are a great way to learn more about psychology, and toxic positivity in particular. If you are looking to get insight and information from experts, books are one of the best ways to do that. When looking for books on this topic, consider reading the following:

1. Manage My Emotions: What I Wish I’d Learned in School About Anger, Fear and Love – Kenneth Martz

While this four-part book is lengthy, it provides an excellent overview of both negative and positive emotions, to make the audience acknowledge their inner feelings and live a more emotionally fulfilling life. Dr. Kenneth Martz creates a distinction between emotional desires and true needs, helping readers make more accurate decisions. Through a series of exercises, she helps readers assess their current emotions and understand their negative thoughts. In the book, she gives her readers eight ways to overcome fear, 14 tools to aid anger management, and 12 exercises to ease anxiety.

2. Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change and Thrive in Work and Life – Susan David

Dr. Susan David addresses a unique concept in this book: emotional agility. Those who are emotionally agile embrace and tackle challenges, while those without this ability have a tendency to shy away from them and stay in their comfort zone. Dr. David provides the following definition for emotional agility: it is the ability to cope with negative emotions, adapt to challenges, and make changes when they are needed.
Dr. David’s entire career is focused on researching the intricacies of emotions, and her theories are based on decades of research and data. Instead of upholding toxic positivity standards, Dr. David finds ways to turn negative feelings into strengths and success.

3. Bright-Sided: How Positive Thinking Is Undermining America – Barbara Ehrenreich

While positive thinking does solve some problems, it is by no means a cure-all. Being positive will not give you an A on the next test or give you a raise at work. In fact, taking positivity too far has the opposite of the intended effect. Barbara Ehrenreich finds the philosophy of toxic positivity reckless and unhelpful. People’s extreme positivity did not help her when she was faced with a tragic diagnosis of cancer. Being prepared for challenges and failure is a better way to approach problems, according to Ehrenreich. Positivity will not bring the positive results often associated with it. In this book, Ehrenreich calls out the irrationality and unhelpfulness of positivity gurus while proposing a new, more reasonable way to confront negative feelings.

Toxic positivity FAQ

How do you respond to toxic positivity?

Responding to toxic positivity is generally difficult. Yet as with most other social issues, communication is the best solution. If someone makes you feel guilty or uncomfortable, express it to them through constructive dialogue; tell them how it makes you feel and what you need from them. If this does not work, it is best to distance yourself from them, or simply avoid talking to them about personal issues.

What is toxic positivity on social media?

One of the most common places to find toxic messages is through social media. Self-help gurus often espouse the idea that you should always be happy and maintain a positive mindset. They may encourage you to neglect negative feelings or invalidate your emotions. Other ways toxic positivity is shown in social media is through “good vibes only” posts and positivity quotes. If such online content is making you feel guilty, inadequate, or shameful, stop following these accounts and limit the amount of social media you consume. If your friends are showing you this type of content, kindly talk to them about the dangers of toxic positivity.